What is oral sex? Discover everything about the different types of oral sex!

Oral sex for women & men: a GUIDE to the risks, benefits & handy tips

Oral sex involves using the mouth to stimulate a sexual partner's genitals or genital area. Forms of oral sex include stimulation of the penis (fellatio), the vagina (cunnilingus) and the anus (anilingus). 
 

What does oral sex mean?

Oral sex is a fairly common sexual practice among couples of all ages and genders. It often serves as foreplay before intercourse. Many couples use it to warm up or to get in the mood for penetrative sex – but oral stimulation can also play an important role during or even afterwards. This practice can be just as enjoyable as an act in its own right. Some couples even find oral sex more pleasurable than penetrative sex.

What does oral sex involve?

For oral sex you need a partner – and whichever position works best for the two of you. In this sexual activity, one partner uses their mouth, lips or tongue to stimulate the other's penis, vagina or anus. Oral sex therefore offers both you and your partner the chance to experience pleasure outside the penetrative act itself.

Eighty-five per cent of sexually active adults aged between 18 and 44 say they have had oral sex with an opposite-sex partner at least once. It's important to stress that oral sex isn't reserved for heterosexual couples alone. People in same-sex or mixed relationships can also give or receive oral stimulation.

Cunnilingus, fellatio & anilingus – what's the difference?

Three forms of oral sex are most commonly distinguished

• Cunnilingus, when the vagina is stimulated
• Fellatio, when the penis is stimulated
• Anilingus, when the anus is stimulated

These, however, are the formal terms. When it comes to oral sex, you'll often come across far more colloquial words: blowjob or BJ, or "Lewinsky" for fellatio; 69, when partners stimulate the penis and vagina at the same time; and rimming for anilingus.

Cunnilingus – oral sex for women

Cunnilingus involves stimulating the vagina or clitoris with the mouth. This type of stimulation is usually done by sucking or licking the outside of and around the vulva.

Fellatio – oral sex for men

Fellatio is the stimulation of the penis with the lips, tongue or teeth. It usually involves sucking or licking movements, but can also include throat movements or the use of the teeth.

What does anilingus mean?

Anilingus, or rimming, is the stimulation of the anus with the tongue and lips.

Sexually transmitted infections from oral sex

Although oral sex is widespread in people's sex lives, there are numerous myths and a great deal of misinformation surrounding this practice. One of these myths claims that oral sex is entirely risk-free. That isn't true. While there is no risk of pregnancy with oral sex, there is still a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Worth knowing: the likelihood of picking up an STI through oral sex is somewhat lower than with genital sex – but the risk is still there.

• It is possible to contract certain STIs in the mouth or throat by giving oral sex to a partner who has a genital or anal/rectal infection.
• It is possible to contract certain STIs on the genitals and in the genital area by receiving oral sex from a partner with an infection in the mouth or throat.
• It is possible to have an STI in more than one place at once. For example, an infection may be present both in the throat and on the genitals.
• Several sexually transmitted infections (such as syphilis, gonorrhoea and intestinal infections) transmitted through oral sex can spread throughout the body.
• Hepatitis A and B can be transmitted during anilingus. In addition, oral sex involving the anus can transmit intestinal parasites such as giardia and bacteria such as E. coli and shigella.
• If you have an STI, you may not know it, because many STIs cause no symptoms. You can pass on an STI even if you have no signs or symptoms.

Sexually transmitted infections that can be passed on through oral sex include:

• Gonorrhoea
• Chlamydia
• HSV-1 and HSV-2 (herpes)
• Syphilis
• HPV
• HIV
• Hepatitis A and B

How can you reduce the risks of oral sex?

It's important to protect yourself during oral sex too – just as you would with penetrative sex. The safest method of protection is using a condom or a dental dam. Dental dams are square sheets of latex placed over the vagina or anus during anilingus or cunnilingus to provide protection during the act.

Another way to reduce the risks of oral sex is to practise it within a committed, monogamous relationship with a partner who has tested negative for sexually transmitted infections. Even with every precaution in place, screening at least once a year is advisable.

The benefits of oral sex

Over the years, several studies have been carried out to examine the benefits of oral sex. As well as being a good way to test sexual compatibility and discover new ways to give and receive pleasure, oral sex also brings a number of health benefits.

Some of these benefits are:

• It improves sleep quality
• It has anti-ageing effects
• It lowers the risk of breast cancer (link to the article on breast cancer?)
• It improves memory
• It is more effective than many painkillers for back pain and headaches, or even cramps

How do you perform oral sex on a woman?

Oral sex performed on a woman is called cunnilingus; it involves stimulating the vagina or clitoris with the mouth.

Oral sex techniques for women

Below we share some techniques that can enhance your sexual experience during cunnilingus.

• Lick with a flat tongue in long strokes over her underwear until the fabric is wet – and so is she.
• When you're both ready for more, spend some time on the spot just above the clitoris. Give the inner thighs a little attention too.
• Place your wet tongue at the bottom of the vulva and lick upwards. Repeat.
• Tense your tongue and trace tiny circles with the tip over the clitoral hood – the small fold of skin above the clitoris.
• Use your fingers to gently draw the hood upwards so you can focus the firm tip of your tongue directly on the clitoris. Start with light pressure and gradually build up the pace.
• Once you've found a rhythm she likes, keep it going until she climaxes.

Comfortable positions 

With a little imagination, you can turn almost any penetrative sex position into an oral sex position. Here are a few suggestions:

• Lie back and enjoy. Lie on your back with a pillow under your bottom and your legs spread, while your partner stretches out or kneels between your legs – face right in the middle of the action.
• Control freak. They lie on their back and you sit over their face, so you control the movement and pressure yourself.
• The 69. It doesn't take much imagination to work out how this position functions. It delivers the promised pleasure to your partner – and she can return the favour at the same time if she wishes.

Safety and hygiene

The best method of protection during oral sex with a partner who has a vulva is the dental dam. This is a thin latex barrier placed over the vulva. Dams can be ordered online, or alternatively you can use a condom cut open.

Don't forget to both wash before and after oral sex.
 

Frequently asked questions

Q: Can you really play with the clitoris?

A: Yes, you can! Gently flicking the clitoris with your tongue can create a pleasurable sensation and make the whole thing even more arousing. To get an idea of how to play with the clitoris in a pleasant way, picture a puppy licking an ice cream cone.

Q: Should you insert your tongue, or is it better not to penetrate? 

A: That depends on your preferences and your partner's. Some people find penetrating with the tongue absolutely sexy and arousing. Bear in mind, though, that fewer nerve endings are involved, so the sensations aren't as intense. 

Q: What if she's on her period or pregnant? 

A: If everyone is comfortable with it, there's no medical obstacle. During a period, it's a good idea to focus more on the clitoris. Remember that blood can have a metallic smell and taste. A dental dam can help if you're not a fan of that taste.

How do you perform oral sex on a man?

Oral sex on a man is performed by stimulating the penis with the lips, tongue or teeth. It usually involves sucking or licking movements, but throat movements or the use of the teeth can also be added.
 

Oral sex techniques for men

Discover some techniques and tips for oral sex on a man:

• Start by running the tip of your tongue up and down the shaft, pausing now and then to circle your tongue around the head.
• Give the underside of the penis some attention, then play gently with the tip of your tongue on the frenulum.
• Lick the full length of the penis and repeat. Bonus points if you let him hear how much you're enjoying it.
• Hold the base of the penis with your hand, take the rest into your mouth and move slowly up and down while sucking gently.
• Pick up the pace as his pleasure builds.
   

Comfortable positions

Again, with a bit of imagination you can give a blowjob in almost any position. Here are three suggestions:

• Wide open. Lie with your head near the edge of the bed and open your mouth wide while he positions himself with his head towards your feet and his penis above your mouth.
• Sit and suck. One chair, two variations. Have him sit on the chair while you kneel in front of him and give him a blowjob. Or sit on the chair yourself while he stands with one leg either side. Then all you have to do is lean forward!
• Lazy love. By far the most comfortable BJ position and perfect for those lazy morning blowjobs. While he lies on his back, you lie on your side and use his body as a pillow. Once you're settled in, you can use your hands and mouth for maximum satisfaction.

Safety and hygiene

When it comes to safety, our tip is simple: flavoured condoms! That way you don't risk transmitting a sexually transmitted infection and the taste is pleasant. After sex, a quick shower is more than enough. Don't forget to brush your teeth too.

 Frequently asked questions

Q: What should you do if he isn't circumcised? 

A: There's barely any difference in technique whether your partner is circumcised or not. If you start with your hand, let the foreskin slide up and down with the movement of your hand. When you're ready to lick, gently pull the foreskin back to expose the head.
 

Q: Do you have to deep throat?

A: No, not if you don't want to. Sexual satisfaction is easy to achieve even if your partner doesn't go in deep. You can fake deep throating by pressing the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth and sucking as hard as you like without unexpectedly gagging. 
 

Q: Should you spit, swallow, or make sure your partner ejaculates outside your mouth? 

A: This is something to discuss with your partner beforehand – but you should never do anything you don't want to. Sometimes it can be extremely sexy for your partner to ejaculate on your closed lips or chin – talk about it in advance so you're both on the same page.

Handy tips if your partner wants to try anilingus

Anilingus involves stimulating the anus with the lips or tongue. The practice is called "rimming" because it mainly involves kissing or licking the outer rim of the anus.

Useful techniques

Below you'll find a range of useful techniques and tips that can make the act far more enjoyable.

• Start by licking and kissing the buttocks for a few moments
• Place your tongue flat and relaxed just below the opening and lick gently up and down
• Point your tongue and trace circles around the opening with the tip – first lightly and slowly, then more firmly and faster as your partner's pleasure builds.
• If you've agreed on penetration, now is the moment to gently insert your tongue, a finger or a sex toy into the anus.
• Keep using your tongue on or between the buttocks or on the perineum until your partner reaches the peak of pleasure.

Comfortable positions

Doggy style is usually the best position for rimming. It gives you both equal control over pressure and movement, so you can work out what suits you best.

For this position, your partner gets on all fours and you kneel behind them. They can rest their head on a pillow and raise or lower their bottom to meet your mouth.

Safety and hygiene

Dental dams, tongue condoms or a standard condom can be used as protection during anilingus. Short nails and clean hands are also important if you want to use your fingers in or around the anus.

It's enough for your partner to clean the area thoroughly in the shower or bath before sex. For extra peace of mind, an enema can be done beforehand. After sex, don't forget to wash your hands and brush your teeth.

Frequently asked questions

Q: Is there a risk of coming into contact with faeces during oral sex?

A: We won't lie – the possibility is there. It's a good idea for the partner being rimmed to shower beforehand or wash with a soft flannel, water and soap. That's usually enough to remove any residue in the anus.

Q: What should you do if there's hair there?

A: Nothing! Hair in the anal area is no obstacle whatsoever to rimming. A problem only arises if your partner wants the area shaved. In that case, talk about it beforehand so you both know what the other expects.

Q: Should you insert your tongue, or is it better not to penetrate? 

A: That depends entirely on how comfortable you feel. You shouldn't put your tongue anywhere you don't want it to go. If your partner is happy with it, fingers or butt plugs can take care of the penetration for you.

More tips for great oral sex

Communication is the foundation of good sex in any sexual activity. That applies to oral sex too. The first step towards great oral sex is talking to your partner about how you'd like to give each other oral pleasure. Some studies show that heterosexual women are more hesitant about asking their male partner for oral satisfaction. That same research also found, however, that men were more likely to want oral sex with their partners.

Oral stimulation is an extremely intimate act. That's why it's good to talk to your partner about how you can give each other pleasure and where each of your boundaries lie. Work out what you'd like to try and what you wouldn't. You can start by kissing and touching your partner's genitals, then gradually move on to using your mouth – in whatever way your partner enjoys.

There are a few tricks and practices that can have a positive effect on your sexual experience:

• Use your breath. Blow gently over the skin and watch how your breath drives the other person wild
• Don't be shy about making noise. Let your partner know how much you're enjoying it.
• Maintain eye contact. Looking your partner in the eye during oral sex is extremely sexy
• Don't forget to use your hands. Your touch heightens sexual satisfaction
• Use lubricant! Choose one with a pleasant flavour to boost the pleasure.
• Orgasm control, or edging, is the perfect way to heighten pleasure. Bring your partner to just before orgasm, then pause for about 30 seconds before resuming stimulation

Frequently asked questions about oral sex 

There are a great many myths and much misinformation surrounding oral sex. That's why it's good for our health to know as much as possible about this practice.

Who invented oral sex?

The answer to this question is complex. According to archaeologist Timothy Taylor, author of the book "The Prehistory of Sex", the oldest historical evidence of oral sex dates back to the Neolithic period. A stone relief shows a woman and two men. The woman is performing oral sex on one of the men. In antiquity, oral sex was mentioned in myths, legends and poems. Oral sex appears in the history and legends of all the great peoples – from the Greeks, Romans and Egyptians to the Chinese, Indians and Peruvians. 

What happens if you swallow semen?

If your partner doesn't have a sexually transmitted infection, swallowing semen can have positive effects on your health. The components of semen lead to better sleep quality, lower the risk of breast cancer and have anti-ageing properties. If your partner has an STI, however, there is a risk that it has been passed on.

Can you get pregnant from oral sex?

No, there is absolutely no way you can get pregnant from giving or receiving oral sex.